So yeah... I have deviations in my inbox from August. That is how bad I have gotten in terms of keeping up with dA. I simply have not been very active on here for the past few months.

If you guys have read my poem "Unable Seaman" which I have just posted, then I would like to point out that I feel like that right now. Everything feels insane. So utterly upside-down. Inside-out. Back-to-front.

The only "haven" I have is the boyfriend. He has no idea how much I have really come to appreciate him over the past few weeks. It was his 18th last Sunday & as part of his present, I told him that I love him. I honestly do. It is a big deal for me as we have been going out for 8 months now, & he knows I would not say it unless I truly mean it. & now I am professing my love in several languages. [hehe]

I keep drifting away from all of my friends. There was the group of people that I hung around with at school this time last year, but we drifted apart around the same time I started dating Michael. Then I started hanging out with his friends, who I thought had become my friends. Stupid presumptions get you nowhere. The one I am closest to has left school & I barely see him now. The others... I have no idea what is going on. I reckon they realised that as the boyfriend has also left school they do not have to talk to his girlfriend anymore. & I do like them as people, but let's face it, they are all guys. & although usually being the only girl never bothers me, there is never much common ground to talk about.

So yeah, stopped hanging out with them at lunch. Started with a group of people that I know a little less but still talk to. Unfortunately, I have no clue what happened, but I realised that I was never really in the conversations. So unless I wanted to go around with my earphones in all the time, I needed to find someone else to talk to. So I get an invitation from a friend to sit at their table at lunch. 4 other girls that I really like, so I was pleased by the turn of events. The problem with sitting with them is that they are an established group, in other words, they have conversations about people using codenames I do not know, or talk about things I did not attend.

No matter where the driftwood carries me, I am still left out. Feels pretty crap to know that nobody even notices when you stop hanging out with them at lunch. Not a single one of those groups I mentioned said a single word to me about it. Just let me move on. Way to make a girl feel wanted / appreciated / loved / however else you want to describe it using sarcasm.